SPOILERS:
Let me preface this by saying I loved Twilight. I had no expectations when I went to see it, I had not read the books. Because of no expectations, I liked it...alot.
So I read the books. I think I read all of them in a week. That's pretty good seeing as how they are 500 pages long, but the 4th one was the only that brought weird vampire lore into it. As far as vampires go, these are pretty weak. Little gore in these books. The most gore was the giving birth scene in the 4th book. And as we all know, giving birth is pretty gory. These books are pretty much a metaphor for wanting what you can't have. Regardless of opinion, I'm all for something that preaches to young girls to save yourself for marriage.
New Moon was my favorite book. I was really looking forward to the movie. I was so excited as the previews came on-wearing my homemade Team Jacob shirt (Meredith's idea).The sadness in the book was something most of us have experienced. Losing someone or something and finding a way go on with your life. So for all of that sadness, NO ONE CRIED. Not one of the actors cried. Bella didn't cry when Edward left her, Edward didn't cry when he thought Bella was dead, and Jacob didn't cry when Bella told him she picked Edward over him. They all had the shocked look on their face, and sniffled a little, but the audience was crying- but not the actors?
How Bella handled Edward Leaving Her: She goes into shock and crumbles up in the fetal position in the woods. I can understand the shock, but that usually sets in when you have cried all of your tears.
How Edward Handles Bella's Supposed Death: He crushes a cell phone in his hand and looks pained/constipated.
How Jacob handles Bella's rejection: He sniffles a little for a second.
I liked the way they handled the blank pages. That was something I really liked about the book. But the scene didn't overly impress me.
I have defended New Moon all week long, but i'll have to admit there were some scenes that I busted out loud laughing.
#1- Edward's cheesy lines in the beginning. The setting in which he said them seemed so inappropriate. Cheesy lines while walking in the hallway at school? The cheesy lines were more appropriate when he said them at the end- because they were separated for so long.
#2-ok the grunting during a kissing scene after Bella's birthday party. I know people around us were annoyed because Meredith and I busted out laughing. I guess it was supposed to be a sexy grunt?
#3- The running in the woods scene- you have to see it for yourself- Hilarious. If I wanted an Oscar one day, I would be embarrassed as an actor, but hey what's more important- Oscar or Millions? (Afterthought- When I watched the movie the second time- the whole audience laughed at it and one guy yelled "LAME!")
Oh I also cringed at the music. The first soundtrack was surprisingly good- Mutemath and Iron & Wine? good choices. New Moon had good artists too- Death Cab and Bon Iver, but the whole compilation sounded like depressing Emo music you would be hearing while shopping at Gap Outlet. And Where Was Bella's Lullaby? One of the reasons Bella can't sleep is because Edward sang her the lullaby every night. They could've worked it in. Summit even made them write in Bella's Lullaby into the first movie and that was an excellent choice- but not in the second?
What made the movie for me? Jacob. I know I've been putting Team Jacob on facebook all week long. I'm sorry- I had to keep reminding myself that kid was 17. I think I like Jacob so much because he's not co-dependent with Bella like Edward is. The author tries to justify Edward being Bella's entire existence because she didn't really have a life before meeting him. Well she did,she was only 17, and just starting her life.
Fantasy Vampires saying things like "I've been waiting for you my whole life", "and I can't live without you" and "you're the reason for my entire existence" is just literature, but I'm sorry girls if someone says something like that to you in real life? Run. That's creepy and co-dependent. They definitely need Jesus.
Jacob liked Bella for who she was not because her blood "called to him" . That my friends is the kind of guy you need. Not one that makes you fall in love with him by stalking you and then leaves you saying he wants you to have a normal life? Oh really Edward? How about not bothering her in the first place. At least you are not taking her soul when she offers it to you. You get a cool point for that.
Why does Edward appeal to the ladies? In the first movie, he sets this up- he's protective of her. Girls like to feel secure. He has eyes only for her. Doesn't every women want the most beautiful, sensitive, yet manly guy in the room only drawn to her? In New Moon, the absence of this makes you understand why she's so heartbroken, but trying dangerous and potentially deadly things just to hear his voice? It's obsessive. Bella, you're 18- you will go on with your life. Unfortunately, she doesn't do this by building this existing relationships in her life, she finds it through another man-Jacob. Also as far as the kissing scenes- Jacob's Almost Kissing Bella scene was so much more than Edward's in this movie.
I'll give the books and movies this- they show Passion-lots of it. There are some kissing scenes, but I'd rate them PG (one scene maybe PG 13). In the books, the first three are all passion, and the main characters don't have sex until marriage. The movies do show hot guys with their shirts off, but you don't see steamy make out scenes resulting in the removing of clothing and then sex between two people too young to understand the emotions.
And that's why Hollywood is missing the point. These movies are going to make LOTS of money. Already shattering records on opening weekend- Why? Because girls want to experience in virtual reality, a man (or two in this case) who doesn't pressure them, will take care of them and protect them, and wants to get married to them. Oh and also is very concerned with their soul. Teens (and adults) don't need to see sex, profanity, and extreme violence to make them come barging into the movie theatre, and I'm glad the Twilight Series is proving that. Unfortunately, the theory is being proved by cheesy lines, actors incapable of crying, and lots of emo music.
Let's get real- none of us will never have to deal with romantic vampires and obsessive werewolves. They don't exist. It's fantasy. And realize that in real life Edward and Bella would be that creepy couple at your school who's so attached to each other- they are just asking for a terrible break-up because of all of that smothering.
What if they were your parents? Could you imagine your dad being able to read your every thought and not your moms? He'd be the most frustrated person on earth. And when your dad was out of town, your mom constantly trying dangerous things to hear his voice? Creepy.
Overall, I liked it. It was entertaining, but I'm sad they went the Pirates of the Caribbean route. First one excellent, and the second one a build-up to the third. They really had a chance to make New Moon stand out as a movie on its' own and did not.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Sister in the Cosmos
The smartest person I know is my sister- hands down. She can learn things without even being shown, makes As in her sleep, and can solve analytical problems in half the time a normal person would take to think it through.
With that said, she would not remember her childhood unless I was around. I don't know if it was that awful or what the deal is...cause she has blocked us out. It's like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind- Brandt Version. I always have to entice her into a memory.
Me-"Hey Mollie...you remember that time when Papa decided he didn't want to clean the leaves off of the roof and he put us on there when mom was at work and convinced us it was a game?"
Mollie- Completely Blank Stare
Me- "Come on.. you remember when mom pulled up and the look on her face when she realized how close her girls were to instant death because of her lazy husband?"
Mollie- wrinkles her nose trying to remember
Me- " Ok I was about 10- you were 8, and it was at the Hartwell house"
Mollie- " Ummm I remember something like that"
Me-" We just got home from school. There was a creek behind our house and an old swingset"
Mollie- "Oh Yeah. Mom sure was pissed at Papa wasn't she?"
Every Single Memory happens like this. It is rare my sister remembers something that I did not.
Like Today:
She was talking about this cat blocking her driveway because it caught it's prey with it's paws through the fence. The cat was in a lose-lose situation.
Me-" Hey do you remember the cat that attacked you when you saved the Chipmunk from it."
Mollie- "Yeah Buttons."
Me-" Wait you remember that stupid cat's name, but you don't remember half of our childhood"
Mollie- starts laughing because she does not have an argument
Me-" I would say it's trauma, but you don't remember anything. Like when mom went through depression, would get in the car, and yell that she was leaving all of us."
Mollie- "Mom did that?"
Me- " Are you serious? You were like 10"
Mollie- "Are you sure?"
Me- "Hey Mom (she was walking in the room) Do you remember when you used to tell us you were leaving us, and get in the car and drive for a few hours?"
Mom- very nonchalant- "Yeah"
Mollie- "Did she just say yeah- just like that"
Me- "Yep"
Mom- realizing she should defend herself- "Well no one would leave me alone"
Me-" So threatening to leave your husband and children and driving in a car for a few hours solved that?"
Mom-" Well it worked."
Me-"Obviously, if your younger daughter completely blocked out the memory"
Mollie-"Hey.... in her defense children do drive you insane"
Mom-" Hey it only happened 3 or 4 times"
Me-"ok...."
Mollie-who obviously still doesn't remember- "Hey let me tell you what Audrey did"
Audrey is my 4 year old niece who is going to be a beauty in the family, but is the weirdest kids...hands down. She looks like my mom spit her out, and has Mollie and I's combined bad traits.
Mollie-" So I put her in time out and she gets mad at me. She tells me she wants Mom Mom (my mother). She tells me she is going to Mom Mom's house (constant threat by the way) and she wants Mom Mom, Pop Pop (my Dad), Memiss (me), Meena (my dog), Bella(my dog), and Giant Girl Dog. Giant Girl Dog is Angel the Cocker Spaniel mix that I adopted from Animal Control a few months ago.The dog is little and sweet so Giant Girl Dog is a hilarious name.
Mollie lost it at this point and started laughing. Audrey summons up all 4 years and declares "Why are you laughing... this is serious!"
Mollie told me- she can't even remember that dog's name, but she wants her more than her own mother.
Well, if the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, Audrey will have absolutely no recollection of this.
With that said, she would not remember her childhood unless I was around. I don't know if it was that awful or what the deal is...cause she has blocked us out. It's like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind- Brandt Version. I always have to entice her into a memory.
Me-"Hey Mollie...you remember that time when Papa decided he didn't want to clean the leaves off of the roof and he put us on there when mom was at work and convinced us it was a game?"
Mollie- Completely Blank Stare
Me- "Come on.. you remember when mom pulled up and the look on her face when she realized how close her girls were to instant death because of her lazy husband?"
Mollie- wrinkles her nose trying to remember
Me- " Ok I was about 10- you were 8, and it was at the Hartwell house"
Mollie- " Ummm I remember something like that"
Me-" We just got home from school. There was a creek behind our house and an old swingset"
Mollie- "Oh Yeah. Mom sure was pissed at Papa wasn't she?"
Every Single Memory happens like this. It is rare my sister remembers something that I did not.
Like Today:
She was talking about this cat blocking her driveway because it caught it's prey with it's paws through the fence. The cat was in a lose-lose situation.
Me-" Hey do you remember the cat that attacked you when you saved the Chipmunk from it."
Mollie- "Yeah Buttons."
Me-" Wait you remember that stupid cat's name, but you don't remember half of our childhood"
Mollie- starts laughing because she does not have an argument
Me-" I would say it's trauma, but you don't remember anything. Like when mom went through depression, would get in the car, and yell that she was leaving all of us."
Mollie- "Mom did that?"
Me- " Are you serious? You were like 10"
Mollie- "Are you sure?"
Me- "Hey Mom (she was walking in the room) Do you remember when you used to tell us you were leaving us, and get in the car and drive for a few hours?"
Mom- very nonchalant- "Yeah"
Mollie- "Did she just say yeah- just like that"
Me- "Yep"
Mom- realizing she should defend herself- "Well no one would leave me alone"
Me-" So threatening to leave your husband and children and driving in a car for a few hours solved that?"
Mom-" Well it worked."
Me-"Obviously, if your younger daughter completely blocked out the memory"
Mollie-"Hey.... in her defense children do drive you insane"
Mom-" Hey it only happened 3 or 4 times"
Me-"ok...."
Mollie-who obviously still doesn't remember- "Hey let me tell you what Audrey did"
Audrey is my 4 year old niece who is going to be a beauty in the family, but is the weirdest kids...hands down. She looks like my mom spit her out, and has Mollie and I's combined bad traits.
Mollie-" So I put her in time out and she gets mad at me. She tells me she wants Mom Mom (my mother). She tells me she is going to Mom Mom's house (constant threat by the way) and she wants Mom Mom, Pop Pop (my Dad), Memiss (me), Meena (my dog), Bella(my dog), and Giant Girl Dog. Giant Girl Dog is Angel the Cocker Spaniel mix that I adopted from Animal Control a few months ago.The dog is little and sweet so Giant Girl Dog is a hilarious name.
Mollie lost it at this point and started laughing. Audrey summons up all 4 years and declares "Why are you laughing... this is serious!"
Mollie told me- she can't even remember that dog's name, but she wants her more than her own mother.
Well, if the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, Audrey will have absolutely no recollection of this.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Dog in Chaos
I have three dogs. If they would stay still long enough I would put their pictures on here. Bella is almost 6. She was my first baby. She is what you would call a "Chacshund" half chihuahua and half dachshund. Someone on drugs must have came up with that one. So pretty much she's black and tan with a dachshund body and a chihuahua head. Mollie was the one who got her. She could not wait for this dog to be born. I don't know how she became obsessed, but she visited the pregnant mother, and made me go to Darien with her when the puppy was born, the works. When Bella finally came home to our apartment in Savannah- I swear Mollie carried that dog around so much, it didn't know how to walk. Well, when Mollie had Audrey, she couldn't "handle" the dog smell anymore, and I took Bella. Before that, Mollie somehow put her spirit in the dog because I swear they are the same. They are both uninvolved, sneaky, yet loyal. Mollie even one time said that if re-incarnation were true, she would come back as Bella.
Bella's nickname was Princass because she refused to sit on the bare floor. There had to be a cushion underneath. She would even wait until Autumn's golden retriever would sit down and then use her tail as a cushion.
Since moving back to Darien, my dad has managed to put his spirit in her also, because the dog has developed "selective hearing". Every morning, I wake up yelling "Shut up Bella" because she has the most annoying whine ever. Every Morning I also yell at them about going into the neighbor's yard. I walk in the yard with them and they have it planned. One dog distracts me while the other two make a dash for the neighbors yard. I will yell, spank them, punish them,entice them, and Bella still pretends she doesn't hear me. It drives me insane. Yet, leashing all three is a chore because Bella is also nice-nasty. She will pee where another dog just peed but forget about being anywhere near another dog's poop. She turns up her nose and gives me this look. I swear that dog cusses us out in her head.
The poor dog is also accident prone. When I lived in Savannah, we walked in the squares every morning. She was a nice little city dog, laying at my feet as I ate outside in the cafe, and charming the tourists. One time I was in the square when this black dog came running at her, grabbed her by the throat, and pinned her to the ground. This woman came running and just stared transfixed with her dog attacking mine, while a tourist helped me pull the dog off of Bella. A tour was in the square, and everyone started giving the woman a hard time about letting her dog off of the leash.
The woman looked at us all and said " I thought the dog was a squirrel so I was letting him chase the squirrel"
I just stared at her and said "Who walks a squirrel on a leash?"
Because I had been walking Bella with a bright green leash, and she had on a pink collar.
The woman looked at me and the tour group and realized how absolutely absurd she sounded, grabbed her dog, and walked away.
I wish I could write more about my dogs but it must wait for later. Bella is whining downstairs over who knows what. Haha- I just yelled "Shut up Bella" as I was typing this.
Bella's nickname was Princass because she refused to sit on the bare floor. There had to be a cushion underneath. She would even wait until Autumn's golden retriever would sit down and then use her tail as a cushion.
Since moving back to Darien, my dad has managed to put his spirit in her also, because the dog has developed "selective hearing". Every morning, I wake up yelling "Shut up Bella" because she has the most annoying whine ever. Every Morning I also yell at them about going into the neighbor's yard. I walk in the yard with them and they have it planned. One dog distracts me while the other two make a dash for the neighbors yard. I will yell, spank them, punish them,entice them, and Bella still pretends she doesn't hear me. It drives me insane. Yet, leashing all three is a chore because Bella is also nice-nasty. She will pee where another dog just peed but forget about being anywhere near another dog's poop. She turns up her nose and gives me this look. I swear that dog cusses us out in her head.
The poor dog is also accident prone. When I lived in Savannah, we walked in the squares every morning. She was a nice little city dog, laying at my feet as I ate outside in the cafe, and charming the tourists. One time I was in the square when this black dog came running at her, grabbed her by the throat, and pinned her to the ground. This woman came running and just stared transfixed with her dog attacking mine, while a tourist helped me pull the dog off of Bella. A tour was in the square, and everyone started giving the woman a hard time about letting her dog off of the leash.
The woman looked at us all and said " I thought the dog was a squirrel so I was letting him chase the squirrel"
I just stared at her and said "Who walks a squirrel on a leash?"
Because I had been walking Bella with a bright green leash, and she had on a pink collar.
The woman looked at me and the tour group and realized how absolutely absurd she sounded, grabbed her dog, and walked away.
I wish I could write more about my dogs but it must wait for later. Bella is whining downstairs over who knows what. Haha- I just yelled "Shut up Bella" as I was typing this.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Plane in Chaos
The following Monday, my parents had to go on a church retreat to Texas. Vacations are non-existent to my parents. Growing up, we could only vacation Mondays through Wednesdays or Thursdays through Saturdays so that we didn't miss church. I know... Anyway, my dad is finally getting better about that sort of thing so I am sure they were looking forward to San Antonio. I was looking forward to a house by myself with no one yelling up the stairs, complete strangers doing their laundry, or mom complaining about my dogs. They called me to give me last minute instructions about unimportant things right before they got on the plane.
30 Minutes later I noticed my mom calling...
Me " Hmmm that's weird a flight to Atlanta takes an hour...Hello?"
Mom- "Hey they emergency landed our plane"
Me- "What!!!!!"
Mom- " yeah they emergency landed our plane"
Me- " are you okay?"
Mom- "Yeah but your father is bugging me"
*Note To Gentlemen- If you just almost died in a plane crash- don't annoy your wife*
Me- " So What Happened"
Mom- " Well the plane was shaking like we had turbulence and it was a sunny, clear day. Then the pilot came on and said that he was having trouble controlling the plane and we were going to emergency land in Savannah."
Me- " The pilot actually told you he had trouble controlling the plane"
Mom- " Yes, but get this. The Head of HR for the company was on our plane and he tried to find us a new plane. And this guy that won the Masters two years was on the plane. Your father recognized him in the airport."
Another Note- My father is golf obsessed. And if God took him out, going down with a PGA player who won the Master's would satisfy him.
But notice, my mom almost died in a plane crash and she's telling me who famous was on the flight with her :)
Me-" Well do you want me to come get you?"
Mom- " No your father is on the phone re-arranging our flights."
Me-" Well what are you going to do"
Mom- " well your father is saying they are busing us to Atlanta"
Me- " Are you ok?"
Mom- "Yeah but I was praying BIG TIME as that plane was going to land and I saw all of the Fire Trucks and Ambulances on the runway waiting on us"
Me" OMG- that would freak me out."
So the next day we repeated this conversation:
Me-" I still can't believe your plane almost crashed. I would have been a wreck"
Mom-" Yeah but I just felt a peace as we were landing that it wasn't my time and I had more to do"
Me- "Wait a minute..."
Only my mother would interpret her near death experience as a To Do List from God.
30 Minutes later I noticed my mom calling...
Me " Hmmm that's weird a flight to Atlanta takes an hour...Hello?"
Mom- "Hey they emergency landed our plane"
Me- "What!!!!!"
Mom- " yeah they emergency landed our plane"
Me- " are you okay?"
Mom- "Yeah but your father is bugging me"
*Note To Gentlemen- If you just almost died in a plane crash- don't annoy your wife*
Me- " So What Happened"
Mom- " Well the plane was shaking like we had turbulence and it was a sunny, clear day. Then the pilot came on and said that he was having trouble controlling the plane and we were going to emergency land in Savannah."
Me- " The pilot actually told you he had trouble controlling the plane"
Mom- " Yes, but get this. The Head of HR for the company was on our plane and he tried to find us a new plane. And this guy that won the Masters two years was on the plane. Your father recognized him in the airport."
Another Note- My father is golf obsessed. And if God took him out, going down with a PGA player who won the Master's would satisfy him.
But notice, my mom almost died in a plane crash and she's telling me who famous was on the flight with her :)
Me-" Well do you want me to come get you?"
Mom- " No your father is on the phone re-arranging our flights."
Me-" Well what are you going to do"
Mom- " well your father is saying they are busing us to Atlanta"
Me- " Are you ok?"
Mom- "Yeah but I was praying BIG TIME as that plane was going to land and I saw all of the Fire Trucks and Ambulances on the runway waiting on us"
Me" OMG- that would freak me out."
So the next day we repeated this conversation:
Me-" I still can't believe your plane almost crashed. I would have been a wreck"
Mom-" Yeah but I just felt a peace as we were landing that it wasn't my time and I had more to do"
Me- "Wait a minute..."
Only my mother would interpret her near death experience as a To Do List from God.
Keys in the Cosmos
Why is getting a key so hard?
I was on Jekyll and I lost my keys. Somehow between the Club Hotel and the Wharf- my keys completely disappeared. I always lose my keys, but somehow they turn up an hour later. Well after 3 hours of Search and Rescue, I decided they were not going to be found. So I called the local Dealership, we'll call them Smalley.
I said "I need a key, I lost my keys."
Smalley- "Did you buy the car from us?"
Me- "No but we have bought 4 cars from you guys."
Smalley- "We'll Ma'am we need you to bring in proof of ownership and your license."
Me- "Well I would love to bring you my license and proof of ownership but I lost the keys so therefore I cannot drive."
Smalley-" Ma'am it's against the law to give you a replacement key unless I see your license"
Me- "Again, I can't bring you a license because I don't have the keys to drive my car"
Smalley-" Well what kind of car do you have. Wait... that kind of car...hmmm the only way for you to get a replacement key is to bring it in so we can hook it up to the computer"
Me-" I would love to bring it in, but I lost the keys and cannot drive which is why I am calling you."
Smalley" Oh...well I can have it towed."
Me- "well before we do that let me call my dad to make sure he doesn't have a spare."
So here goes the dreaded phone call to Lee Brandt. If you have ever dealt with my father you know how this is going to go. Of course when Crisis happens, Mom The Rational Parent is out of town.
First I called mom to see if she had a spare key anywhere at the house.
Me-"Mom, I lost my keys and I'm trying not to freak out."
Mom-" You lost your keys? Where are they??"
Me- " If I knew that, I wouldn't be calling you to tell you that my keys are lost."
Mom-" Oh right, well I am at a prison ministry thing checking into the hotel....Oh my goodness Missy you should see Patty and her suitcase. *Proceeds to start talking to Patty*"
Me-" Mom I need an answer from you- do you have the spare key. Mollie thought she gave it to you."
Mom- "I don't know, call your sister and ask."
Me- "Mom I did and now I am calling you to see where at our house it could be before I have to call Papa to tell him all of this and you know he is"
Mom- " ok well tell him they could be in my drawer, his drawer, the laundry room, my purse (oh that's with me), the closet...and she named about 5 other places."
Me-"ok mom, just pray I find my keys"
Now I know the next phone is my dad going to be Stating the Obvious and Tell me about 10 things I could have done to avoid losing my keys:
Me- "Hey Papa. I need you to see if there is a spare key at the house."
Papa-" Why"
Me-" I lost my keys"
Papa-"Where did you lose your keys!!!!!"
Me-" If I knew that I would have them!!!"
Papa- "Well why did you lose your keys???"
Me-"Because I thought hey it would be a great day to lose my keys and be stranded on an island"
Papa-" Well where is the spare?"
Me-" I called you to ask you to find it"
Papa- "Oh here is the spare..."
Me-" Does it say Kia"
Papa-"Yes"
Me-"Look Outside and See if the Kia is there"
Papa-"Ok yes it is."
Me-" So I am not driving the Kia, I now am driving the Jeep-have been for months."
Papa-"ok which spare key is it?"
Me-"the one that says Jeep"
Papa-"Ok that one is not here"
Me-" Great... that means I have to tow it"
Papa-" Just call a locksmith and get him to open your car!!!!"
Me-" And then drive it with what key"
Papa-" The Spare!!!!"
I literally just gave up at this point and decided to have the car towed.
So I call Smalley to have it towed. The tow truck calls me.
Tow Truck -" Ma'am where are you located"
Me-"Jekyll Island."
Tow Truck- " How are you parked"
Me-" in the parking lot. There is marsh in front and parking lot in back"
Tow Truck- "Ma'am I need the key so that I can back your car up"
Me-" I don't have the key that is the whole reason the car is getting towed into the dealership so they can hook it up to a computer and program a key"
Inwardly I am thinking "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"
Tow Truck-" Well Smalley can give you a key that will open the door but not drive the car"
Me-" And how am I supposed to get it to Jekyll"
Tow Truck....silence...
So I had to make the dreaded phone call again:
Me- " Papa you have to go to Smalley and get the key that will open the door, but not drive it, to have the tow truck tow it to Smalley to re-program a key to go along with the computer."
Papa- "Wait where are you??"
Me- "On Jekyll, I already told you that. I have not gone anywhere since I lost my keys"
Papa-" Well what happened to the spare?"
Me- " The spare is non-existent, it is a fiction of our imaginations. Spares do not exist!!"
Papa- " Well I (very haughty) have a spare that I keep in a magnetic thing behind the wheel. You should get one of those"
Me-" I know I should have had a spare on the car, but I dont.I need you to drive to Smalley"
Papa-" Smalley? What is there?
Me-" The key that opens the car door so the tow truck can put it in reverse"
Papa-" What kind of key opens a door and doesn't drive it" He did have a legitimate question there.
Me-" all I know is that I have to do this or the car won't drive."
Papa-" Well call your sister and see where the spare is."
Me-" I already did, plus she had to fax her proof of identity to them since the car is in her name."
Papa- "Fine, Fine I'll go, but call me and tell me what your sister says."
All of this takes about 3 hours. The tow truck arrives. Papa comes 20 minutes later. The tow truck pulled to the side of the parking lot until he arrived. And where does he park? RIGHT BEHIND MY CAR.
Me-" Papa, move your car, the tow truck can't get to it"
Papa-" Wait, I want to see if this key works"
I just look helplessly at the Tow Truck Guy.
The keys works, my car is successfully towed, and Papa and I are following it to Smalley.
He looks at me and says " Wait did you have a spare made!!!!"
At this time, all I could do was look at the sun setting and nod my head.
I wish I could say I am being dramatic with this story, but for those that know the Brandts you know that I am not.
After thought:
Mollie told me that Papa called her demanding her VIN number. She said she didn't know because I had the car. He then said " well you are supposed to have it memorized! To which Mollie responded " who memorizes their VIN?"
I was on Jekyll and I lost my keys. Somehow between the Club Hotel and the Wharf- my keys completely disappeared. I always lose my keys, but somehow they turn up an hour later. Well after 3 hours of Search and Rescue, I decided they were not going to be found. So I called the local Dealership, we'll call them Smalley.
I said "I need a key, I lost my keys."
Smalley- "Did you buy the car from us?"
Me- "No but we have bought 4 cars from you guys."
Smalley- "We'll Ma'am we need you to bring in proof of ownership and your license."
Me- "Well I would love to bring you my license and proof of ownership but I lost the keys so therefore I cannot drive."
Smalley-" Ma'am it's against the law to give you a replacement key unless I see your license"
Me- "Again, I can't bring you a license because I don't have the keys to drive my car"
Smalley-" Well what kind of car do you have. Wait... that kind of car...hmmm the only way for you to get a replacement key is to bring it in so we can hook it up to the computer"
Me-" I would love to bring it in, but I lost the keys and cannot drive which is why I am calling you."
Smalley" Oh...well I can have it towed."
Me- "well before we do that let me call my dad to make sure he doesn't have a spare."
So here goes the dreaded phone call to Lee Brandt. If you have ever dealt with my father you know how this is going to go. Of course when Crisis happens, Mom The Rational Parent is out of town.
First I called mom to see if she had a spare key anywhere at the house.
Me-"Mom, I lost my keys and I'm trying not to freak out."
Mom-" You lost your keys? Where are they??"
Me- " If I knew that, I wouldn't be calling you to tell you that my keys are lost."
Mom-" Oh right, well I am at a prison ministry thing checking into the hotel....Oh my goodness Missy you should see Patty and her suitcase. *Proceeds to start talking to Patty*"
Me-" Mom I need an answer from you- do you have the spare key. Mollie thought she gave it to you."
Mom- "I don't know, call your sister and ask."
Me- "Mom I did and now I am calling you to see where at our house it could be before I have to call Papa to tell him all of this and you know he is"
Mom- " ok well tell him they could be in my drawer, his drawer, the laundry room, my purse (oh that's with me), the closet...and she named about 5 other places."
Me-"ok mom, just pray I find my keys"
Now I know the next phone is my dad going to be Stating the Obvious and Tell me about 10 things I could have done to avoid losing my keys:
Me- "Hey Papa. I need you to see if there is a spare key at the house."
Papa-" Why"
Me-" I lost my keys"
Papa-"Where did you lose your keys!!!!!"
Me-" If I knew that I would have them!!!"
Papa- "Well why did you lose your keys???"
Me-"Because I thought hey it would be a great day to lose my keys and be stranded on an island"
Papa-" Well where is the spare?"
Me-" I called you to ask you to find it"
Papa- "Oh here is the spare..."
Me-" Does it say Kia"
Papa-"Yes"
Me-"Look Outside and See if the Kia is there"
Papa-"Ok yes it is."
Me-" So I am not driving the Kia, I now am driving the Jeep-have been for months."
Papa-"ok which spare key is it?"
Me-"the one that says Jeep"
Papa-"Ok that one is not here"
Me-" Great... that means I have to tow it"
Papa-" Just call a locksmith and get him to open your car!!!!"
Me-" And then drive it with what key"
Papa-" The Spare!!!!"
I literally just gave up at this point and decided to have the car towed.
So I call Smalley to have it towed. The tow truck calls me.
Tow Truck -" Ma'am where are you located"
Me-"Jekyll Island."
Tow Truck- " How are you parked"
Me-" in the parking lot. There is marsh in front and parking lot in back"
Tow Truck- "Ma'am I need the key so that I can back your car up"
Me-" I don't have the key that is the whole reason the car is getting towed into the dealership so they can hook it up to a computer and program a key"
Inwardly I am thinking "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"
Tow Truck-" Well Smalley can give you a key that will open the door but not drive the car"
Me-" And how am I supposed to get it to Jekyll"
Tow Truck....silence...
So I had to make the dreaded phone call again:
Me- " Papa you have to go to Smalley and get the key that will open the door, but not drive it, to have the tow truck tow it to Smalley to re-program a key to go along with the computer."
Papa- "Wait where are you??"
Me- "On Jekyll, I already told you that. I have not gone anywhere since I lost my keys"
Papa-" Well what happened to the spare?"
Me- " The spare is non-existent, it is a fiction of our imaginations. Spares do not exist!!"
Papa- " Well I (very haughty) have a spare that I keep in a magnetic thing behind the wheel. You should get one of those"
Me-" I know I should have had a spare on the car, but I dont.I need you to drive to Smalley"
Papa-" Smalley? What is there?
Me-" The key that opens the car door so the tow truck can put it in reverse"
Papa-" What kind of key opens a door and doesn't drive it" He did have a legitimate question there.
Me-" all I know is that I have to do this or the car won't drive."
Papa-" Well call your sister and see where the spare is."
Me-" I already did, plus she had to fax her proof of identity to them since the car is in her name."
Papa- "Fine, Fine I'll go, but call me and tell me what your sister says."
All of this takes about 3 hours. The tow truck arrives. Papa comes 20 minutes later. The tow truck pulled to the side of the parking lot until he arrived. And where does he park? RIGHT BEHIND MY CAR.
Me-" Papa, move your car, the tow truck can't get to it"
Papa-" Wait, I want to see if this key works"
I just look helplessly at the Tow Truck Guy.
The keys works, my car is successfully towed, and Papa and I are following it to Smalley.
He looks at me and says " Wait did you have a spare made!!!!"
At this time, all I could do was look at the sun setting and nod my head.
I wish I could say I am being dramatic with this story, but for those that know the Brandts you know that I am not.
After thought:
Mollie told me that Papa called her demanding her VIN number. She said she didn't know because I had the car. He then said " well you are supposed to have it memorized! To which Mollie responded " who memorizes their VIN?"
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